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This
information is designed to help terminally ill patients
and their loved ones prepare for the eventuality of
death.
This
information also will help in organizing personal affairs
and learning about the process of grieving and dying
to help ease any fears and enhance the ability to cope.
Please
use the following table of contents as an index for
this information:
The
Grieving Process
What
to Do
What
to Expect During the Final Stages of Dying
How
to Cope
The
Grieving Process
Grief
is an emotional, physical, social, intellectual, and
spiritual reaction to loss. It often begins after receiving
the diagnosis of a terminal illness.
Knowing
common grief reactions may help you to understand that
your intense feelings are normal and purposeful. Generalized
patterns are predictable, but personal experiences are
unique with no absolulte formulas or timetables.
Shock
and Denial
- inability
to accept reality
- shock,
denial, disbelief
- impaired
decision making
- lack
of concentration and confusion
Anger
- partial
acceptance of reality
- may
blame others
- impatient,
irritable, resentful
- sleep
disturbances
- may
bargain with God
Depression
- dying
is finally acknowledged
- deep
sadness and depression
- sense
of guilt or yearning
- social
withdraw and neglect of self
- weight
and appetite changes
- exhaustion
Acceptance
- acceptance
that death is imminent
- the
process of healing begins
- completion
of unfinished business
- reestablish
eating and sleeping patterns
- resolution
What
to Do
Locate
and gather or create the following information and documents:
- Advance
directives: living wills
- Durable
power of attorney for health care decisions
- General
durable power of attorney
- Wills
or living trust documents
- Insurance
policies
- Birth
and marriage certificates
- Real
estate deeds
- Bank
accounts and investments
- Stocks,
bonds, mutual funds, etc.
- Social
Security benefits
- Military
benefits
- Employee
benefits or pension plan
- Burial
plans
- Tax
returns
- List
of property or assets
- Liabilities
(Mortgages, loans, etc.)
- List
of family, friends and significant people (mnister,
employer, etc.)
- Designate
a family spokesperson to be the primary contact for
the physician and other medical staff.
What
to Expect During the Final Stages of Dying
Physical
Changes:
- Coolness
of extremities
- Sleeping
more frequently
- Incontinence
- Lung
congestion
- Restlessness
- Decrease
in appetite or thirst
- Irregular
breathing
- Deep
sleep or coma
- Physical
systems cease to function
Emotional
Changes:
- Engaging
in life review
- Resolution
of conflicts
- Completing
unfinished business
- Forgiving
self and others
- A
need to receive permission from loved ones to "let
go"
- Decreased
socialization
- Disorientation
or hallucinations
- Unresponsiveness
Comfort
the Dying Person By:
- Providing
emotional support
- Helping
to resolve any unfinished business or conflicts
- Saying
"I love you"
- Reminiscing
together
- Showing
physical affection
- Offering
spiritual support
How
to Cope
Acknowledge
and accept intense feelings as a normal reaction to
an abnormal situation
Give
yourself permission to cry and express your feelings
Seek
and accept support (hospital social worker, minister,
friends, family, etc.)
Take
care of yourself. Get enough sleep and eat well.
Pace
yourself and be patient
Keep
a journal, write a poem, or listen to music
Learn
about death and dying
Have
faith in yourself and trust that you will heal
Take
one day at a time
Meditate
or pray
Discuss
your concerns with the hospital social worker
Produced
by Florence Long with funding from the Kitagawa Family
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